My friend Lauren has inside sources* at NBC and we wanted to bring you the new Thursday night schedule before it’s released to the public. Although . . . I guess I’m releasing it now. k here it is:
8:00pm – Community
8:15pm – Parks and Recreation
8:30pm – The Office
8:45pm – 30 Rock
9:00pm-midnight – Jay Leno
Additional info: The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon have been canceled. Chuck is also canceled and all master copies of the episodes have been destroyed. The writers of Heroes have all been given raises and the producers have just signed a contract to make at least four more seasons. And they fired Zachary Quinto and Masi Oka.
“You’re welcome,” said a spokesman for NBC on Friday, who continued, “Because, ya know, Leno is Gandhi.”
*voices in her head
My grandma sent this to me. :3
A woman was at the hairdresser getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to her hairdresser, who responded:
“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty . . . you’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking Continental,” the woman replied. “We got a great rate!”
“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.”
“Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.”
“We’re going to see the Vatican and maybe even get to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”
A month later, the woman returned for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
“It was wonderful,” explained the woman. “Not only were we in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.”
“Oh, really! What’d he say?”
“He said, ‘Who fucked up your hair?’”
by justine marie
Another season of American Idol is underway, and another round of American Idol Challenge is about to begin. This year you can find the game at AIChallenge.net, so make sure you update your bookmarks.
The Basics
AI Challenge was created and is maintained by my friend Melissa. As you can imagine, she is a huge fan of American Idol. Melissa began AI Challenge for Season 4 on a little Geocities website, moved the game to a Mac page for Season 7, and recently moved the game again to it’s own webpage, all ready to go for Season 8! There is a also a great facebook group you can join and chat with other players.
As the winner of AI Challenge Season 5 and a personal friend of Melissa’s, I know a thing or two about the game. You do not need to have watched any previous season of American Idol or even the beginning of Season 8 to play! As long as you start watching and playing on February 17th, you have a chance of winning AI Challenge.
The Website
There are quite a few pages over at AI Challenge, and while it’s pretty easy to figure out what each page features, here is a list to clarify exactly what each page is for.
- Home – Get the latest information about the game and catch up with a quick recap of the previous episode.
- Play – Make your picks for the week!
- Rules – The rules are listed here if you’re new to the game or need a refresher.
- Scores – See where you stack up against the other players!
- Previously – A handy page that lists the most important contestants from each week of the competition.
- Blog – Melissa’s thoughts on each episode.
Tips
It may be difficult to keep track of all the contestants at first, especially now that the show will feature a Top 36. So grab a notebook and keep a list of each contestant and how well you think they performed. I use a scale of 1 – 10, considering what I think of them and also what I think the rest of America will think. It’s all about thinking. You can also make note of what song they sang, what they were wearing (if Paula is your favorite judge), or if they are particularly cute. I usually indicate this last one by drawing a tiny heart next to the performer’s name. <3
You don’t have to make up your mind right away. Check the Home page and see by what time and day you absolutely need to get your vote in, then let the performances sink in for a while. Just make sure you don’t forget to vote! Then again, you may want to go with your first instinct on the night of the performances. Try both strategies and see which one works best for you.
That’s everything you need to know before you begin your journey to American Idol Challenge Champion! You can click here to play now!
NOTE: AI Challenge is for fun and players do not receive any prizes, other than the title AI Challenge Champion.
Why do people have a problem with the color pink? It’s cute. I like it, so everyone else should, too. Doesn’t it make you think of little baby girls and bubble gum and hair ribbons?
I’m so aggravated.
Everyone should just listen to me.
Another prompt, from here.
Write a story involving a squirrel, some dental floss, and some duct tape, and ending with the words “and that is how I saved the world.”
I had always used cinnamon dental floss, up until now. All my friend had in her bathroom was mint floss, and I had forgotten mine back in Ithaca. I was forced to use it, and found it refreshingly new and different. Though still not quite cinnamon-y enough.
As I entered my friend’s living room, I found her digging through my purse.
“A duct tape wallet!” she said excitedly, waving my wallet in the air. “Did you make it yourself?”
“Uh, yeah,” I responded.
“Cool,” she said, and threw my purse at me. She grabbed her own and we headed out the back door.
A squirrel jumped off the banister and scuttled up the nearest tree. I noticed some more squirrels running in circles in the garden.
“You sure have a lot of squirrels in this area,” I said to my friend.
“Yeah, I’ve been convinced since I was a little girl that they have some sort of conspiracy going or something,” my friend chuckled.
Suddenly, the squirrel in the nearest tree jumped and landed on my friend’s head. She screamed, and I turned just in time to see the squirrels from the garden heading straight toward me. But these were no ordinary squirrels. Their eyes glowed red and their tails seemed to be made of some sort of metallic material. My CIA training kicked in and I dropped to the ground just as the squirrels lunged for my face. They collided with the squirrel on my friend’s head and all three hit the side of the house with a loud screech.
Something told me this was not the end of this squirrel battle. I grabbed my friend by the shoulders and steered her into the house, locking the door behind us.
“What are we going to do?” she asked me frantically.
“We need to find the Queen Squirrel,” I told her, “if we destroy the Queen, we’ll destroy them all.”
“But where will we find the Queen?” she asked, not questioning my sanity, for she too had seen the craziness in the squirrels’ red eyes.
I thought for a few moments, recalling my months of intensive squirrel lore research. “What is the location of your city’s largest oak tree?”
“Why, my own backyard!” my friend answered. “My family has always prided –”
“Great!” I shouted, not believing my luck. A chance to bring down the SRS*, right in my own friend’s backyard! I ran upstairs, grabbed some mint dental floss, and journeyed back outside.
Scaling the largest tree, I warded off the guard squirrels easily enough, when I found myself approaching the nest of the Queen Squirrel. She exited the nest proudly, and announced with a scoff, “Give it up, girl, you will never foil me now, especially since I am so close to unleashing my plan for world domination.”
She never expected what was coming next. I lunged, wrapping the mint floss around her tiny squirrel neck. She fell out of the tree, and was soon followed by the rest of the robot squirrels, screeching and sparking as they plummeted to the earth.
And that is how I saved the world.
* Society of Robot Squirrels
I love Dr. Pepper.
